Jen is plagued with feelings of guilt and regret. She can't control her rage. Last night, she yelled at her youngest child again because he accidentally spilled his juice on a brand new tablecloth. She hates herself for it now.
She has promised herself over and over that she'll never do that again. But then another little accident happens, which sends her over the edge. Her son is 5-years-old, for crying out loud! He's still terribly clumsy, Jen understands that. Now. But she didn't see it that way last night.
IS SHE DOOMED?
Is Jen doomed to react with rage? Is it simply who she is? Of course, not! She can change!
EASIER SAID THAN DONE
But it's easier said than done. What Jen doesn't understand is that no matter how hard she tries to be more patient with her son she will not succeed unless she changes the beliefs and the inward reactions that cause her angry outbursts. Her reactions (stress, negative emotions, thoughts and desires) and her angry behaviors result from some painful "unfinished business" and distorted beliefs -- things too painful to bear locked away in her subconscious mind. Only a real conscious effort will enable her to change them.
The task is to make what is subconscious conscious. But why? Isn't it better to just leave these painful things alone? Why bring it all back to the surface?
Unless we make some things conscious, we are doomed to make the same mistakes. Hopefully, there comes a time when we realize we don't want to keep making the same mistakes. We want to change.
HOW DO WE MAKE SOMETHING CONSCIOUS?
But how do we make something conscious? Answer, start with our body sensations and emotions. Usually, when dealing with the subconscious, our mind is not our friend! It just gets in the way. Our mind may be telling us things are okay, but our body--our gut--is saying, "Watch out!" At this moment, our conscious mind is not what we should be paying attention to. If we are wise, we will learn to pay attention to signals from our subconscious that surface as our inward reactions.
THE FASTEST WAY TO LASTING CHANGE
The fastest way to lasting change is through our inward reactions. Remember, these are the reactions of our body (stress), negative emotions, thoughts, and desires. Once we know what to look for and can identify our reactions, we can begin to change them. And, good news! If we learn to work with our inward reactions, we can retrain ourselves and stop repeating the same mistakes. When we know how to change our inward reactions, we can change our deep beliefs and our behaviors. We actually rewire our brain.