Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

A Simple Set of Steps To Help Those Looking For Help Finding Love

"I can't seem to find love." "How do I fall in love?" "You've likely heard these lines come from plenty of people or said some of them yourself at some point. Love is a natural human emotion and we all want to find it. The question is, how? Don't give up hope on finding romance; you can do several things to ignite that spark and find love.

First things first: boost your self-esteem. There's an old saying: "If you have not what you seek within, you will never find it without." In other words, if you don't love and respect yourself, you can't expect anyone else to. If you radiate an aura of self-confidence and pride - not arrogance - you will attract potential mates far more easily than if you stay depressed. Find some hobbies you enjoy and cultivate your skill in them. Take pride in and care for your appearance and health. Get your health, emotions, finances and other aspects of your life in order. You wouldn't invite someone to your house if it were in shambles, so why invite someone into your life if you're having too much trouble? No one wants to share that. It can also taint existing relationships.

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology stated that people with low self-esteem begin to project self-doubt into their relationship, such as thinking that a partner will leave them if they lose their job. Remember that no matter what, if your partner truly loves you unconditionally, they will stay with you, provided you don't solely depend on them for emotional support.

If you want to know where to find love, you need to go out and seek it. Immersing yourself too deeply in hobbies or the like prevents you from potentially socializing. You could actually use those hobbies to meet people. For example, you could find a partner at a book club and ask him or her out after a meeting. Just keep it casual; you don't want to come off as intimidating. Suggest lunch together on a definite date; don't say "Would you like to go eat together sometime?" Say "Would you like to eat lunch on Friday at?" Stay away from serious relationship talk for the first few dates.

Now, let's fast-forward a bit and say you and that person have decided to enter a relationship. Here's where the real work begins. The word "love" is as much a verb as it is a noun; so you have to constantly work at it. A psychologist named Robert Sternberg proposed a triangular model for true "consummate" love, consisting of three parts: passion, commitment and intimacy.

The passion part is the first fire of infatuation when you feel your partner can do no wrong, partly due to a neurotransmitter called oxytocin. After several months, your brain becomes immune to the effects. When this happens, the 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship ends, and it can fail. If you want to keep your love alive, you need to communicate regularly with your partner: the commitment part of the triangle.

In short, be patient, focus on yourself and communicate regularly with your partner about feelings and issues, and you will find love.

Works Cited:

Murray, S.L., Holmes, J., MacDonald, Ellsworth P., (1998) "Through the Looking Glass Darkly? When Self-Doubts Turn Into Relationship Insecurities. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol.75, No.6, 1459-1480.

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