It is a fact that a lot has changed in the last forty years in the way people interact in a relationship.
In the past, men and women roles were more clear and defined and the couple's rules of engagement and tacit agreements were assumed rather than discussed or negotiated.
Today, the time for prioritizing, clarifying values and negotiating has arrived.
Today, couples need to willingly sit at the negotiation table and establish agreements and priorities that will support their life together.
So, what is the top reason that drives couples to have good or bad relationships? Each others life views, mutual perceptions, different approaches to solve problems or summing, personal values! If both have similar values and priorities, the relationship has a far better chance to succeed.
In my experience as a coach and psychologist, both personal and professional relationships work better when values, beliefs and goals are shared.
Often, problems originate from negotiating what is not negotiable, inevitably resulting in the emergence of "losers" and "winners"; and when that happens, sooner or later, somebody is going to regret that agreement! Just for the sake of "not raising problems", couples may agree to something, that deep inside was not negotiable resulting in frustration, uneasiness, unhappiness and, ultimately, conflict.
A relationship cannot be happy unless each participant is happy on his or her own.
Self-awareness and honesty with oneself is a requirement to enable decisions to be made in the best interest of each person.
Only then, people can take responsibility for their choices and its consequences.
In my practice I have seen how the fear of losing a partner ends up being the cause of the feared breakup.
Unnatural agreements reached by giving up non negotiable values tend to become a chip in the shoulder that bothers at the beginning, next turns into pain and finally becomes unbearable suffering.
False agreements may lead to the loss of partners, friends, jobs and result in having to start a life path all over again! My final relationship advice: Clarify your values, priorities and standards on how you want to live your life.
Define your ways, how to be treated and how to treat others.
Provide your relationship partner with all that information and lay the basis required to grow and create a fulfilling and harmonious bond with each other.