Billiards me timbers--I've pooled there before, mateys! We look together and cringe at the billiards lexicon's most trying frame.
So I'm at the golf course recently, and thinking about how carefree the life of a golf professional truly is. For example, (and yes, I know they use chiropractors and hit 1,000 balls a day) a typical golf pro tells his inquirers he plays golf for a living. How can the golfer eliminate that troubling and gaily vacuous idiom?
(And I cannot believe I just used both "gaily" and "vacuous" in a single sentence. Kindly forgive me my double indulgence.)
The answer, of course, is simple, the golfer instead of saying "I played golf there [at some golf course] last week" can say "I golfed there last week," "golfed" being the past tense for "play golf". So what does the hapless pool shooter, the professsional billiardist or amateur enthusiast to do (or say)...?
"I pooled at my favorite hall last week?" (Funny, I'm Ashkenazi but I don't look poolish...)
Or perhaps the ever-iconic:
"I billiarded there last month?"
We pool shooters, unfortunately, may neither lie about in pools of our own blood nor say the word "billiarded" without being shackled and led to the nearest mental asylum with all "promptitude".
Send your comments on this story as well as your prayers and wishes for my speedy intellectual recovery to email@example.com.