Family & Relationships Gay Lesbian & Bisexual & Transgender

Saying I Love You

Dear Mona,

I'm a 22-year-old gay guy in my first real relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 4 months. We see each other 2-3 times a week because of work and other scheduling conflicts. I have known that I was in love with him for the past two months, but am terrified that If I say it too prematurely the relationship could take a nosedive. He is very stoic, and I am very open.

He is supposed to go on a ten week business trip to another state. When I told him it would be hard to be apart for so long, he invited me to go with him!  So, I guess my main question is: How can you ask someone to embark on a two and a half month trip, far away from my friends and family, without even expressing love? Am I reading to much into it, or am I expecting too much? Please help.


Dear Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants,

Just because your new man is stoic doesn't mean he feels no emotion.

He just doesn't express them as readily. I've found in my romantic years that the less expressive guys often think first, then act. Whereas, the open guys feel first then see how things play out. If he's asked you to join him on his business trip, then odds are he's thought it through and would really like you to be with him. Does he love you? I don't know; only he can say. Does he care a lot about you or, at the very least, want to get to know you better? You bet.

Take a chance and go with him on the trip. Good love often comes at great risk. And the love's often worth it. You guys spend a good 2 to 3 nights together now. If you go on the trip you'll be spending almost every night together. And when you spend that much time with one person, you figure out very quickly whether it's love or just lust. This trip will be the best test for your young relationship because you'll basically be living with him.

There is no perfect I-love-you formula. You'll know when it's time to say those three little words.

Lead with your gut feelings, accept his invitation, let him know how you feel. After this trip, whether he returns the sentiment or not, you'll have the perfect vision of what your future can (or cannot) be.

Remember, some people fall instantly and others grow into love. Be honest, stay open, take a risk and let it flow.

Yours packing,

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